This really shows us the importance of having some independence by creating some personal space within a marriage or partnership.
When you live with someone 24 hours a day, one or both parties are bound to get tetchy, feel trapped and overwhelmed and crave some breathing space and distance.
Most of us crave human contact but also crave and appreciate time alone. This is healthy and essential for our mental health. Some of the most successful marriages for example have lasted the test of time because each party has allowed the other a certain amount of freedom.
If we build up outside interests and friends this actually helps to strengthen the relationship with our significant others. As long as both parties are coming home to be with each other, we should be free to cultivate our own life beyond the relationship as well as within it. If we’re together all the time, what is there to talk about? It is fun to catch up later in the day with what your spouse has been doing, and tell them what you did as well. This independent lifestyle helps to keep communication open and builds a stronger, more loving and trusting relationship.
If you are unable to meet friends during lockdown, just going for a walk alone can be uplifting for the soul, or reading a book or listening to music in another room of your home environment.
As with many things in life, how much time we spend alone and with others is a matter of balance. We can’t always achieve that healthy balance every day of course, but surely we should be able to manage at least one hour a day to spend alone with our thoughts or chat with a friend on the phone etc, and then come back to our loved one re-charged and ready to reconnect with them again.
But be prepared to compromise, especially if you or your partner are feeling the need for connection, and the other is craving some ‘alone’ time. In those instances negotiation between both parties is the key for moving forward, e.g. agreeing what to do together and when that should be, as well as agreeing a time frame for having some quality time apart. The compromise might be that on that particular day both sets of needs are met by ‘dancing’ solo and later on forming a duet . As long as both parties understand the importance of the dance between, being together and being apart, there is a better chance of a smooth transition without any resentment.
If you are struggling emotionally with the lockdown situation we at Natural Joki Flow offering a counselling service, currently only available on-line until after lockdown. This service is confidential and a safe place to explore what is happening to you at this moment in time. Please call Paul on 910 665 601 for a short complementary consultation, currently conducted over the phone, to assess how he can help you to move forward in your life.
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